Men's Group Leader - What Gets Us Out of Bed: Choosing Our Own Day

Men's Group Leader - What Gets Us Out of Bed: Choosing Our Own Day ===

[00:00:00]

Some people get up. Purpose is to go to work every day.

Some people might have purpose to, they might have something planned for the day, but what, what purpose do we have? What purpose have we set for ourself to get us up? How to get us outta bed every morning and, and to be able to, um. To do the things that, that we need to do. Um, see, when, when we were drinking or when we even were on drugs, when we, especially I can relate to drinking because I drink, I never take drugs.

But the purpose for me to get up every morning was to go and look for my next drink. Why is that? That was my purpose in life, you know?[00:01:00]

And

satisfaction. Satisfaction to satisfy yourself, to get the satisfaction out of what purpose you set for yourself and something that you've accomplished. Um, but what gets us outta bed every day, we need to set that for ourselves. We all have our different priorities. Um, and like I said, some people get up and their purpose in life, their, their purpose for that day is to go to work.

You know, because the end result of that at the end of the day is you, you are, you are, you are working to make some money for yourself to buy the things that you need to live. You know, so what, what other purposes that we might have in life today? Yeah, but we have to set that for ourselves. We decide what we are gonna, how [00:02:00] our, our daily lives, how we, how we set that, and how we accomplish that on a day-to-day basis.

Like I said, when we were drinking, we look for, the first thing we do is look for our first drink. That's the purpose. Some people look for drugs, some people. Some people just, just don't know what they're gonna do to on that day, you know?

So we have to set that we decide what kind of a day we're gonna have, whether we, what kind of a, um, what kind of a day we're gonna have, but we set the what kind of, um, we're gonna, whether we are gonna feel good about today or whether we're gonna. Feel bad about today or, you know, all those things come into play when we drink.

We are the [00:03:00] first people we basically wanna look for is the drug deals or the GR sellers. You know, they decide what kind of a day we're gonna have. You know, here's some drug, here's some, some, um, um, here have a drink. They decide what kind of a day we, we have. You know, it's just like pad, hey, it's just like pad when they get up, eh, people get up on pad day, everybody get dressed up.

They know what they're doing on pad. Everybody in a good mood, you know, saying hello to everybody. They need to be, uh, they need to be aware. Then what happened after that? Then when it's all gone, then yeah, you can't just it yourself down, go down, you know, so focus on that after. Or just pocket money, and you notice that it becomes something, it becomes normal like that to do that the day within the afternoon, that night, you know?

Did, did. You [00:04:00] know, even. Even we get to that point where we just probe around ourselves to only get dressed up on a payday. We only do certain things on a payday, you know? Because we feel like we're gonna get paid. You know? How come we don't feel like that every day? You know, how come we don't feel good about ourselves and, and what we're gonna do on that day?

How come we only do that on payday? You know?

And you have that. If it wasn't pay week or if it wasn't payday, how would you feel? How, how do you feel? You know, think about it. How do you feel? What do you do when it's not payday? You get up in a bad mood or you feel bad, or you don't want to talk to people or you don't wanna, you know, um, uh, do things.

Uh, I'll sleep all day, you know, or something like [00:05:00] that, you know? But you notice that around here, you notice that people only could be a good day at when you are. It's a good day for them on a payday. Yeah. Even that person paid, but your pay you money and you don't give him that money back. You do your day.

You know, pay somebody else, pay you pay, you pay. So you are up here, you're high on the, just imagine that thing about it when when I paid you're higher. But once even on the same day, some people have to pay out all their money and then up with nothing. So they're up high at one minute, feeling good about themselves and feeling good what they're doing.

Oh, no. You know, just in a good mood. Then when all that money gone, bang, they're down here. They're feeling sad, they're feeling angry, they're feeling resentful. Maybe they regret because they get paid that money out to [00:06:00] the drug dealers or side or loans. You know, just a simple loan can put you in that situation, you know?

Um. We paying God out and ending up with nothing on the same day. So you high one minute and you're down here the next, you know? And what we do, we gotta look for more drink and get drunk and punish ourselves. We take it out on ourselves, we punish ourselves. That's what men do. We just seem to do that. We just seem to punish ourselves, you know?

And you can see the changes, didn't they? And you, that person changes everything, you know? Mm. Like you said, from up there to down here when you Yeah. You just, yeah. Then they say what the purpose of thinking I might just keep continuing there. Yeah. You know, to do it, get more groove and whatever, and you just feel down, didn't, you know, you feel down, yeah.

Get angry, but maybe a lot of that anger is, is, is aimed at ourselves. And, but we take it out on our [00:07:00] partners, we take it out on our kids, we take it out on our friends and keep going, isn't they keep going. You know, the cycle tell you try and address it somewhere, you know, to change it, change it the other way, not Yeah, that's right.

I, I've been through the same process like that. Yeah. We all get that. Yeah. And I always got up from living late and eight, one. Yeah. That's how I sort. Always put myself in different shelter. Yeah. Because I, I knew how to go and speak to the right people to get help and all that. 'cause I told her I was sick of being on the street.

Yeah. And being a big captain for a day. Yeah. And when I explained everything to the Mission Australia workers up in Kings, I always had lot of Christian writing with me. I always said to him, look, I really need you to keep me out of drunken shelter, because where I'm living, this is Threeway Road. And I said, we call that Threeway Road in anonymous.

Yeah. And I gave my bit of tip about alcoholics and minerals, like, [00:08:00] um, what that one word you call it? Procrastination. Procrastination, yeah. Yeah. Putting things off, keep putting things off and keep slipping back into our old ways. Yeah. Lifestyle. Yeah. And I said I learned that from people on Palm. Some of them passed away.

Mm. I said lucky for me, if I didn't learn that, I would've been like, I wouldn't have got the chance to see my three boys grow up. I wouldn't have the chance. Okay, but, but, but remember that

the, these things, they apply to people who don't drink too. It was not, it was not on to drink. Who's not on taking drugs? Those same thing apply to people who don't drink too, because people who don't drink. Still go through the same thing that you go through. Ah, I thought we with the same thing. It's not just for thing that, going through that process, like I always say what I, what we talk about here, [00:09:00] that applies to me too.

'cause I go through that too. You know, those things affect me too. You know, just because I don't drink any, that doesn't mean that we, we either, the problems with, with the. With my partner and all that sort of thing and everything that goes with it. That same thing applies to me too. I'm no different, but when it comes to dv, it affects everybody.

But I can still, some people, a person who doesn't drink

can have the same thought process as someone drinks. Oh, the same thinking, the same attitude. It's just that the difference is not drinking, you know, when it comes to attitude and then behavior, it applies to everybody, whether you drink or not, [00:10:00] whether you are black or white, whether you are rich or poor, it doesn't matter.

It applies to everybody, you know? 'cause we're only human, we're all the same. And when it comes to that sort of thing, the behavior, the attitude, the, the, the thought process even, even the lifestyle can affect, it goes, it applies to everybody. Yeah. Don't you worry. May, maybe you might hit that term dry drunk because that's someone who's not drinking.

Still got the same. Thinking, still got the same thinking as a, as someone who's already drinking, drinking, they never changed up here, never changed their attitude. Never changed thing. That is why it's very important that when we, when we look for changes, we need to [00:11:00] change our attitude. We need to change our behavior.

You know, we have to look at that on a daily basis and, and we have to. Look at our behavior. Yeah. Whether I disrespected that person or this person on a daily basis. Now, personally for me, I, I do that every day, you know, in my quiet time and I, I look at myself, what kind of a day I had and whether I disrespected people or whether, you know, and I can go up and say, I apologize.

Uh, I have to look at my behavior. 'cause I can't, I can't sit down here. And talk about it and say it applies to you. It don't apply to me. You know, that's wrong for a start, you know? Yeah. You know, because all those things we talk about, it applies to me too. I gotta, uh, change, change my attitude too. I gotta keep [00:12:00] reminding myself that, that if I go off track.

In my thinking, in my attitude, if I, if I, if my old attitude come back, I can end up back down the park. Simple as that. That one drink can put me back down in the park. That is why I have to look at myself on a daily basis so I can stay sober and live life, you know, and feel good about myself, you know?

And, and when, when we live our day, like we got, we gotta have a purpose to get up in the morning. You know, my purpose is to go to work every day. Um, my, my purpose is to, is to, um, achieve some type of goal on a daily basis. I set, you know, like you plan for the day, Hey, I think we all, we all get to that point where we all plan what we're gonna do today.

And, and I try and plan for the day and, and [00:13:00] do the things I need to do sometime. I don't do it. Sometime I don't wanna do it. You know, my gr you know, I don't like my own grass, but, you know, I put that off sometime and don't do it. Don't do it. You know, but, but that's the show. We are, we are only human. And, and, and, and, and, and, and we do, uh, procrastinate and, and put things off.

That applies to everybody. Me, to me, included. But when we talk about living a life changing, we are not gonna deal with, it's not gonna get to a point where we are not gonna have problems. We are always gonna have problems. Hey, but it's just that we, we are able to deal with it, find ways, finding ways to deal with anything that comes up, finding ways to, to achieve some goal that we set for ourselves.[00:14:00]

That is why we need to change and keep on top of it, you know, by reminding ourselves that, that, um, um, that I don't want to go back to my old, my old way. I want my life to change. And our kids will see that change and they'll benefit, they'll see the change and they'll change. Also, our partner will change.

Um, it's like the ripple effect, you know, when you throw a rock in the water and that ripple. It comes out, well, it spreads out to our family and friends that ripple and they see the change and they'll, they'll, they'll see us in a different way. You know, maybe we'll get that respect back. You know, people will see us differently.

They don't see us as just a drunk or just a drug addict or something. They'll see us in a different way. You know, and one of those changes that, that, [00:15:00] that, that we can, we can do is getting involved in things, anything to do with the community, doing a cup Murray. Mm-hmm. That was the old purpose for why I asked you to help with the Cup Murray, is to, once you get in, you get involved in things like that, you feel good about yourself giving something back, eh, giving something back, putting something back you, yeah.

And you feel good about yourself and you feel that you've achieved something, you know? And then, and that's because just doing, getting involved in that and doing a, doing a simple thing like a, that's the whole purpose of it. That's why I ask the men to get involved, being part of something, being part of this community.

And that's what it's all about, you know, because community. The word community is made up of two words, common and unity. [00:16:00] We, every single one of us on this island, we have something in common. We're all erman.

That's what we have in common.

And through that being a erman, we, we. There's unity. Knowing that, knowing that we are a woman and we put that unity into practice by getting involved and doing a Ka Murray, you know, things like that. But on top of that, we, it makes us feel good about ourself. Like we achieved something, we've achieved something for that day, you know?

And I, and I think that's a good thing, you know, because when we stop. Um,

you see a lot around, you see around a lot of place where people, like I said before, you see people, [00:17:00] uh, get the attitude of, oh, fuck you, you know, I don't give a fuck about you, you know, but that attitude need to change and that's the biggest, the biggest problem on Palm, his attitude. Alright. Because of that, I've got what I want from you.

You know, that attitude, you know, but I, we, people work for things. People, uh, buy things. But you look at, you look at, um, you see it a lot here. People buy boats, but they take their friends and family out. They're not like, oh, fuck you, you go buy your own boat. You know? And maybe some people got that attitude.

Even they might say that about their own family. [00:18:00] Oh fuck yeah, you go buy your own boat. You know? But you see a lot of that on farm where people got boat and they take friends and family at, you know, they see that every week when people go out to hunting and go out people, men go out to turtle hunting, you know, take their friends and family, go out hunting.

You know, basically, um, that, that that sharing or that caring and sharing that comes into, you know, and that's part of our culture, the caring and sharing that's part of Aboriginal culture. And that's something we practice, you know, and that, that, that's where, that's what, that's one example, you know, of, of, of.

Um, and that caring and sharing, you know, and I think that's a good thing, you know, and, and we see that a lot. We see a group of men go out, go out [00:19:00] hunting for turtle, and when you go, when you get a lot of fish too, put that extra fish you, um, send out to your family too. Yeah. Get fish and give it out to family.

Do that too, when you can go.

Uh, another way of doing, you know, so we still got that. We still got that, those cultural values. We still got that cultural values of sharing, caring and sharing, of sharing what we have no matter. We worked for it and paid it off and, you know, done all that. It does, that doesn't come into it. It's just at the end.

Result is we got it. And we, we, we, uh. Uh, use that to, to take our friends and family out, you know, but there, there are some people here who got that attitude that, you know, fuck you, uh, you got, you go buy your own boat, go get your own fish and turtle. Some people do have that attitude, [00:20:00] you know, but you see most of it, a lot of people share, a lot of people share that fish when they catch a, a turtle and that, you know, and do things for the community, you know.

And we, we are at, we're at a point now where, um, um, where thing things are happening all the time. On time, you know, with functions. They functions. And sometimes it's hard to get someone to help with, with, with those, you know, that's why we gotta be able to, if we wanna make that change to better ourselves.

I, I believe we need to get involved in those sort of things, those functions, you know, help out, just help out anywhere there, you know, where you can help, you know, help, um, do things. I come across a situation yesterday where the [00:21:00] organize down, down the thing here yesterday that, uh. Day. Oh, was it that barbecue?

Yeah. I didn't know where you had a barbecue down here somewhere in the morning. Yeah, yesterday. Yeah. Oh, that's what holiday day was called? Erman Day. Establishment Day. They opened Apartment You, establ Day, something like that. Erman Day. Yeah. Yeah. And um, that, you know, some of them, they, they, I was told that they had to find someone to help out.

Oh, there's a couple of people in there, but not. Not enough. That's what the same process we went. Yeah, same thing. Yeah. Went the same in other there, you know, last week, like front of other boys that come on, give us hand. Eh, you know, no one gave a hand last minute. Russell was there doing all the work and bother, you know, when I asked to many to chip in and just help out, you know, it was tiring, but I felt good after it.

You, yeah, you do feel good [00:22:00] after it. Once you get involved in that, you know, you, you make feel, you feel good. The thing is. To make yourself feel good about yourself, because probably for years we'd been punishing ourselves and making us, we, we, we punish ourselves for the things we did, for the things we didn't do, for the things we said, and for the things we didn't say.

We punish ourselves for that, and we, we make ourselves feel bad about ourselves. You know, we start hating ourselves. So we punish ourselves and we take it out on our family and friends. But doing something like that, you feel good about it then, that you've achieved something. Yeah. And um, um, and that's what we need to do on a daily basis to to, to live life.

To be able to live on a daily, to to live life is to make yourself, [00:23:00] keep yourself in that. Way that, that you feel good about yourself to change your day, day around. If you're feeling good, bad about yourself, change it around to make yourself feel good about yourself by doing something, maybe doing something for someone else, helping someone else with something to make yourself feel good about yourself, you know, because.

We can't just sit back and allow other people to decide what kind of a day we have. We can't control, we've got no control over their life where we are gonna leave it up to someone else to decide that. You know, and a good example is, is, um, a good example of that is when you, when you go to court. When you go to court, that magistrate decide [00:24:00] what kind of a day you're gonna have.

You are gonna decide what, what's gonna happen in your life and what's gonna happen to you. That magistrate, you gonna decide that not you, you got no say over that. Mm-hmm.

Then you're allowed a police to decide what kind of a day you have when they. When you, when they come around to check on you at night, what they, what they call you, what they do that, uh, what they care, care, care. Or you, if you're on parole or something, you know, or something, they gotta come check. You are giving them the power to control your life.

Now what do you do? You know, and that's, and that's what's happened when you go to court, when you get, get, when you, um, go to court for whatever reason. Because you've given other people power to decide what happened with you, with your life. The magistrate decide to write, you go to jail for 12 months. [00:25:00] You gave them that power to do that.

You know, that's what happens even with the drug dealers and the SL gers, you give them the power to control your life. They decide what kind of a day you add. They decide how much you pay too,

you know, but you give them that power to control who you are, control what day you're gonna have.

Then what happens? We take it out on our family and friends. We take it out on our kids. We take it out on ourselves. You know,

once we get once, once we get independent, [00:26:00] because through, through all that situation now with the drug and whatever dv it get to a point in our life where we, we are dependent on other people to do things for us. You. Maybe it'd get to a point where we are dependent on that drug dealer. We'd be, we, we'd be dependent on that drug.

Yeah. We'd be, uh, addicted to it. Then we become dependent on that drug dealer, that drug dealer decide what we do, where we go, how to behave. He's making all that decision for us by giving us that drug. We are not independent. We think we are, but we're not. We become independent. Eh? Is that right? No. We become dependent.

I'm saying we're not independent. [00:27:00] We are not deciding what kind of a dare we are gonna have that that drug dealer is that magistrate. Maybe some people get, get, get, uh. Get in a situation where they can't function out here in a community. They can only function in a jail. You, you know, they, they become dependent and they feel more comfortable.

Some people may be feel more comfortable in jail because they get their three meals a day, bed to sleep, things like that. That's only part of the reason. But depending on, I'm able to to, to, um, live our life to make decision for us. We need to break away from that and become independent, where we can decide what, what kind of a day we're gonna have, [00:28:00] where we go and what we do.

We make that decision ourselves. You know, and we have to become independent. And, and one of the ways, one of the examples of being independent is having a job. Eh, you know, because you feel good about yourself going to work, you feel good about working, plus the money that you make is a lot better than living on Centerlink.

You know, you can afford to, to buy the thing that you need. For yourself and for your kids and family and your house, and you feel that independence and that's a good feeling to have. You know, because when you, if you are on, just say you're on settling. You are depending on the government. The governor is looking after you.

You are depending on the government for that payment every fortnight. You don't have to do nothing. You know, [00:29:00] but when it comes to work, you have to go to work every day. That's a decision you have to make, you know, it's easy. It, it's good to have a job, but you have to be able to make that, make your own decision, whether it, it get to a point where you make your own decision whether you gotta work or not.

You know? And, and that's a, that's a, that's the beauty about being independent is. It's your decision to make when you're independent.

And if you choose not to go to work, that's fine. If you choose to work, that's fine too, but it's your decision to make you decide what kind of a day you're gonna have when you're independent. Not someone, not no magistrate, or the police or you know. Or some drug dealer. Or some drug rob dealer.

So that is what we need [00:30:00] to work towards to break away from that dependency. You know, maybe, maybe we, we, maybe we get some young, we get some young people today who, depending still depending on their mother grown men still still holding onto their mother's skirt. That's still happening today. That's true growing men.

Yeah, they're waiting for their mother to get their pension or grandmother and go, you know, some money. I've seen that happen. It happens, isn. I know it happens here. I've seen it. We grow it. And men who maybe I've seen some young fur who's not even on Centrelink to holding onto the.